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It has been a long time! I have been writing in my physical journal and talking to myself so much that I forget to write things here. I think often about my little website but I unfortunately do not live a particularly exciting life, so I don't have much to put here. Recently I have been reading some excellent books, The Books of Jacob by Olga Tokarczuk and The Book of Disquet by Fernando Pessoa. The former takes me away from myself while the latter draws me into myself. I unfortunately see myself in Bernardo Soares:
"I feel as if I'm always on the verge of waking up. I'm oppresed by the very self that encases me, asphyxiated by conclusions, and I'd gladly scream if my voice could reach somewhere. But there's this heavy slumber that moves from one group of my sensations to another, like drifting clouds that make the half-shaded grass of sprawling fields turn various colours of sun and green."
. . ."That's how I am. When I want to think, I look. When I want to descend into my soul, I suddenly freeze, oblivious, at the top of the long spiral staircase, looking through the upper-storey window at the sun that bathes the sprawling mass of rooftops in a tawny farewell."
. . ."All of this vanishes when I face someone in the flesh: I lose my intelligence, I can no longer speak, and after half an hour I just feel tired. Yes, talking to people makes me feel like sleeping. Only my ghostly and imaginary friends, only the conversations I have in my dreams, are genuinely real and substantial, and in them intelligence gleams like an image in a mirror."
As embarrassing as it is, there is a little of Soares in all of us. Average people who ultimately desire transcendence -- nothing more, nothing less.Spent some time in the lovely town of Carrick-on-Shannon in County Limerick today. It was very sunny, almost 30 degrees! I almost melted and got sunburned on my nose, but it was well worth it. Found a gorgeous second hand, almost antique, bookshop called Trinity Books which I would recommend to anyone travelling to Carrick-on-Shannon. I picked up Richard Kearneys Continental Philosophy in the 20th Century and Tolstoy's War and Peace. That shop had a curiously large "occult" section, larger than the world history section and almost as large as the poetry & Irish history sections, which I now regret not taking a closer look at. In a smaller bookshop I found a fascinating book on Irish feminism (past & present), and the collected poems of Louis MacNeice.
The town also has its own art centre, which had artwork by few local artists, one of which (Brian Fay, I believe) lives in the centre itself! It is very small but I greatly enjoyed the visit. Carrick-on-Shannon proved a beautiful place. It is located on the Shannon, of course, and possesses wonderful walkways built above the river that allow you to both look out at the sparkling water and down at the swans, flowering lilypads and tall grass that cover the water's edge. To summarise: It is a town that feels like the smell of books.
Acquired a new plant today! It is a Phlebodium aureum 'Blue-star' fern, and I am determined to keep it alive. It sometimes feels like everything I touch dies, when it comes to flora. I also repotted an old succulent of mine, which was surprisingly easy. Spent the morning reading The Shock Doctrine by Naomi Klein, and I'm really enjoying it. I do like non-fiction but I often find it doesn't grip me in exactly the same was as fiction. The only book that truly accomplished that was Say Nothing by Patrick Radden Keefe, which I would thoroughly recommend to anyone with an interest in (Irish) history or (Irish) politics, but The Shock Doctrine is fairly gripping as well.
The only real change in my life recently is that I am trying to spend less time on social media and more time engaging in hobbies that I care about, such as my art, music, and reading. Keeping this website has been a great help so far!
Still need to adjust the menu at the top of the site, though. One of the links is currently useless.
New stream of consciousness began here today. Spent a lot of time on the internet linking it to others, not enough time connecting to those around me.
Tomorrow will be fuller & better.